My last post was titled Death by Nutcracker but thankfully I am still alive for anyone out there who was wondering. It has been a very busy two weeks:
Nutcracker this year went well, the best it has ever gone for me personally. I really enjoyed performing onstage, everything went perfectly all of the nights (for me), I was much more relaxed onstage and felt much more confident. While onstage I really felt a connection to the audience and I also felt a lot more secure about everything that was happening around me. It was great and I always was so happy while we were performing.
Offstage however I was the COMPLETE opposite, I felt really terrible about my parts, I kept telling myself that I didn't have the level, the body, the energy, anything. I knew that I was being negative but that didn't help me. I felt like most of the positive energy I had was sucked out of me and reserved for the stage. I felt very self conscious and insecure.... it was very strange.
All in all I had the best round of shows that I have ever done, but it was not until the after the last show that I felt truly happy. I was so relieved that every I had pulled my part for every single show. Finally the pressure I had been crushing myself with was off as well.
After Nutcracker I had intended to keep dancing by taking open classes. But when I woke up on the Monday morning after the final performance there was no way anything was going to happen. I had so many things to do. Suddenly all of the things that had been pushed aside during the year were super important. I was out of the house by 9:00 that morning and came home at 6:00. Most of the following days followed the same pace. Running and racing everywhere to do this and that and this and that. So while I did have a break I never really stopped rolling. Then after boxing day I had one day where I stayed at home all day and after that magically my need to dance came back!!!
I took various open classes, I have also been getting back into shape. For the last few days I have gone on two 7.5 km runs, been on the elliptical for at least an hour every day, started stretching and strengthening my feet, back, and legs... and doing a lot of ab work. However I know that tomorrow will be a shock to my body no matter what. Well we will see what happens... I better go sew some pointe shoes. <3
